Do you remember Hagar in the Old Testament? In Genesis, we learn she was Sarai’s handmaid. Hagar is not the typical role model for motherhood. In fact, she’s usually viewed as the spoiler in an otherwise epic Bible story of Abraham’s life. Yet her life offers three reminders parents can (more…)
When I first heard this month the series was going to focus on parenting, my immediate reaction was . . . I’m not a parent. However, my lovely co-writers here at Ask God Today pointed out, “No, you are not a parent, but you have them.”
My junior year in college, I had the privilege of studying abroad in Winchester, England. Saying it was an amazing three months is an understatement. This was the first time that I had ever really made a life-changing decision for myself. I decided to go, and presented it to my parents.
Notice I said “presented,” not asked. They were skeptical, but willing to see me off on my England adventure. I spent those three months finding my way around, learning the transportation, grocery shopping and buying the necessities when they were needed. For the first time in my life I did not have Mom and Dad there to save me if something went wrong. It was invigorating, freeing, and something I didn’t want to let go of. Then the semester ended and I flew home.
The first few months of my return were some of the worst in my relationship with my mother.
At 21 years old, I had just come from living on my own and surviving . . . no thriving, back to “my house, my rules.” (I’m sure parents reading this know that saying.)
Well, I felt like I was not being allowed to grow as an adult. Coming home to answer for every single thing I did was suffocating. It may seem like a silly thing for a 21-year-old to rebel like a 16-year-old, but I did. This only made Mom grab hold of those reins more tightly. I was mean for no reason, assuming anything that came out of her mouth would be a new rule or punishment. We fought all the time. It caused a lot of tension in our relationship.
After a few months of this we finally broke and talked it out through lots of tears. I felt I was being treated like a child and she felt she was losing hers. She saw that I was more independent, and in a final attempt to hold on to that baby girl she loved and still saw sitting there in front of her, she latched on in the only way she knew how.
You may have a teenage or adult child still living at home who is rebelling. They may be acting out and doing things in a way that seems to be on purpose to spite you.
Yes, there are situations when a kid really can go AWOL, but in most instances your child is trying to learn how to do things on their own.
Your children need space to mess up. They need space to try, fail, and learn from their own mistakes. Space to grow. Yes, it may be hard to see your baby mess up, but you will be there to comfort them when it happens.
Wouldn’t you rather give them their space, than to hold on so tightly they resent you and don’t come to you when something does go wrong?
This was true for my mother and me. It is a vicious cycle that, until a conversation takes place, can go on forever and possibly hurt the relationship between parent and child.
Parents, I am not implying that you should not have boundaries for your children, but when they get to the late teenage/young adult years,
it is time to loosen your grip.
I promise they will respect you more for allowing them to try and fail in the long run.
You need not fear
because the Word says that if you:
‘Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.’ Proverbs 22:6
They may stumble and fall every once and a while, but their heart knows where it needs to go.
Comment below with how you have responded to your teen/young adult searching for independence?
February 24, 2017 at 10:04 pm Elliot Jane Morris was delivered into the world and placed in the arms of our youngest son and his tender wife. I remember my own experience and know the joy that was complete in their arms after nine long months of expecting the love of their lives to live and breathe moving from the womb into this world. Olivia was spent and very sedated. It had been a very long nineteen hours of intense but non-productive labor resulting in (more…)
After being a mom for almost 20 years, there are many things I would love to call a “Do Over” on. My son is a becoming an amazing young man. He has a heart of gold to help others, and he works great with young children. (more…)
“Blessed are all who fear the Lord,
who walk in obedience to him.
You will eat the fruit of your labor;
blessings and prosperity will be yours.
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
within your house;
your children will be like olive shoots
around your table.
Yes, this will be the blessing
for the man who fears the Lord.
May the Lord bless you from Zion;
may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem
all the days of your life.
May you live to see your children’s children—
peace be on Israel.”
Psalm 128 NIV
I will never forget a sermon from this passage of scripture I had the privilege of sitting under years ago. As I write I am remembering it may have been like twenty years ago!
WOW! Where has the time gone?